As old and young queers living in India, Abhijit Ghosh, John Dominic Rai and Anusmita Dutta talk to us about what it feels like to live their truth openly and the experiences that let to them being who they are today!
Imagine growing up in a society that ran on its idea of what gender identities looked like, toppling and disregarding anyone who didn't fit the bill. Imagine not having the scope of opening up about your feelings and thinking there is no support or visibility of people who feel the same. That's what it was like for queer and trans rights activist, Abhijit Ghosh, a 45-year-old gay man from Ahmedabad. "Initially, I thought that I was the only person in this world who was different, who didn’t fit into society." With no internet and possibilty of knowing about homosexuality or being queer and no suuport at school, one of the most vulnerable place for a child, Ghosh struggled a lot. He recalled how his teachers and students used to mock and make fun of the way he walked and talked. "I was very good at performing Indian classical dance, but one of my male teachers used to call me Nachaniya, a derogatory word."
Knowing how things are different now, he wonders how beautiful it could have been if his teachers had supported him. Entertainment and lifestyle creator Anusmita Dutta looks at being openly queer differently. As someone who wasn't truly aware of her sexuality, owning and accepting herself was the only thing that mattered. "It was in my mid-20s when I finally understood and accepted that I was bisexual. I embraced myself with an open heart, so for me, my acceptance was above everything else."
But it was not the same for John Dominic Rai, a young fashion influencer and model, who had a beautiful and positive experience growing up. According to him, while coming out was a defining moment in a queer person’s life, it was never something he had to worry about. "I was fortunate to grow up in an environment, both within my family and among friends, where I was nurtured exactly as I was. From a young age, it was evident that I was different, not conforming to the stereotypical expectations of a boy child. And instead of being criticized, I was celebrated for it." He never felt the need to have a sit-down conversation or a formal declaration of his identity. It was always part of who he was, and fortunately, the people around him never made it feel like something that required justification or explanation.
"I believe many parents and communities know far more than they admit, often it’s not resistance but a form of quiet acceptance or, in some cases, intentional ignorance. For me, coming out wasn’t a single moment or a switch to flip. It was a lifelong expression of self that everyone around me witnessed and thankfully embraced.” - John Dominic Rai
Although a lot has changed for the community, there is still a long way to go for our society to make their lives easier. As straight individuals who would like to be ideal allies to our queer friends, understanding what having a community means to them could be a way to comprehend the support they might be looking for. For John, community has never just been about geography or shared characteristics; it’s always been about having the right people around him. “People who see me, understand me and love me for who I am beyond gender, race, or any other identity markers.” It has never been about proximity and neither is it defined by shared space, but about shared experience. “Even though we may live in very different parts of the world, there’s a universal thread of struggle, resilience, and hope that connects us. That’s what I hold on to. In my lowest moments, I turn to these stories and they remind me I am never really alone.”
Abhijit Ghosh states it as an obvious part of being individuals that allows us to be social. “Queer people struggle for their identity. They need support and people to validate themself. Even though we may not care or bother about others.” He points out that while a dynamic young queer individual may initially feel self-sufficient, they will eventually require community support to navigate mental stress, sexual health, family issues, and other challenges.
"Also, old Queer person like me, where loneliness is key issue. Community is meant for all, even for heterosexuals, marriage, family and other functions, it’s based on community.” - Abhijit Ghosh
For people who don't belong to the community, literature and art become one of the many ways for them to get an understanding of this world they don't understand. 'How you live your life is your business, just remember, our hearts and our bodies are given to us only once.' - Watching Elio’s dad deliver this heartfelt monologue in Call Me By Your Name was possibly one of the most touching moments in a film that stands out as one of the most celebrated queer narratives of this century. It was a powerful reminder of the need for acceptance and love that many queer individuals seek in their lives, particularly from those they cherish. It’s challenging to fully grasp the struggles of a community that's constantly wrestling with itself, while, especially as Indians, they are pressured to meet their family's expectations.
Also Read - #KetchupTalks: Patruni Sastry on discussing identities in the Indian context and accidentally becoming a part of 'In Transit'
As an older queer who grew up questioning his identity, Abhjeet's chances of finding any kind of queer representation were limited because of lack of exposure to pop culture or media. Magazines like The Telegraph and Graffiti, where a columnist used to advise people, or the Home-Truths section in the Femina were his only way of consuming pop culture. Even then, they never focused on openly talking about homosexuality and being gay. As something that was considered taboo, the advice column was always focused on ways a person could control themself, which only further shattered his confidence. Even when the media attempted to represent the community, their efforts often ended up as mockery.
Although some movies successfully portrayed the community, they were never widely accepted, leading to protests that included burning posters and vandalizing theaters. John, who is dedicated to sharing everything around fashion and beauty, wants people to recognise the contributions that queer people have made in the industry. "From the earliest days, pop culture has been deeply influenced by queer individuals especially in music, fashion, performance and many other creative fields." While their talents have been internationally acknowledged and celebrated, he feels that India has failed to do the same for the community here. He emphasised how the often gimmicky or overly comical additions to stories did a disservice to the depth, diversity, and brilliance within our community. "But things are changing and that brings me a lot of hope. I am seeing more queer voices being recognised not just as tokens but for their actual talent, vision and hard work. It’s refreshing to witness this shift where representation is becoming more authentic and inclusive."
Discussing the current wave of representation, Abhjeet mentioned how things are slowly changing while mentioning the Bengali film Nagar Kirtan, Marathi films Daaravtha and Jogwa, Malayalam film Sancharram and Tamil film Super Deluxe that did a good job representing the community. While he appreciated these movies, he also mentioned his rage against various media that only look at the community in a negative light. "We do not share or broadcast news based on sexuality, as it creates a misleading impression about the LGBTQIA+ community. It is important to raise awareness on this issue, as some news channels contribute to fostering hate and fear among people. A couple of years ago, there was a beautiful advertisement featuring a queer lesbian promoting a bleaching cream during Karwa Chauth, but it faced significant backlash and trolling." John agrees with him and celebrates the efforts storytellers are putting in to bring a change to people's perspective towards the community.
Media outlets making an effort to break free from downplaying struggles of the community and sharing their stories as they are are showing people how to celebrate them, regardless of gender or sexuality. But it's hard to celebrate that because making space for everyone, lending a ear to understand and listen to their stories and respecting them for who they are - isn't this what existing as a society means?
These collective conversations and views by Abhijit, Anusmita, and John suggest that one thing remains constant, and that is the need for continued effort to change people's perspectives on the LGBTQIA+ community. Even with the repeal of Section 377, the need for a more tangible shift to improve the lives of the queer folks continues to be a struggle. The progressiveness, however, stops when it comes to marriage equality, along with basic rights like inheritance, joint property, rentals, insurance, and more. These creators reinteriate how queer people in India aren’t asking for special treatment, just the same rights, dignity, and legal recognition as everyone else. Without government action and societal support, many are forced to live in silence, fear, or exile. It's time the law reflected equality in both spirit and practice.
While the world isn’t perfect for the community just yet, John truly believes that we are evolving step by step into a more inclusive society. "And it’s that progress that shift that fills me with joy and hope."
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