It was 17 years ago when a series of unfortunate events on a particularly adventurous day led Nick Burchill to be banned by the Fairmont Empress Hotel for a lifetime! I’m sure you’re curious to find out what he did, and believe me, it gets better and better.
Let me warn you, this story involves large amounts of pepperoni, a flock of seagulls, bird shit, and a wet shoe. Yeah don’t even try connecting the dots because, believe me, you cannot. Nick Burchill had himself the adventure of a lifetime and it cost him.
Nick Burchill bares it all on Facebook in a fairly lengthy confession/plea to have himself pardoned, 18 years after being banned for life by the Fairmont Empress Hotel in Victoria, Canada, and I must say, it i as hilarious as it is unfortunate.
He begins his letter of confession by saying,
“Dear Empress Hotel: This may seem like and unusual request, but I write to you today, seeking a “pardon. 17 Years ago a string of unfortunate events led to my being banned from your hotel. I would like to explain the incident…”
He goes on to explain why he was there,
“In 2001, I had recently joined my current employer, xxxxxxxxx and I was also in the Canadian Naval Reserve. xxxxxxxxx was hosting a customer conference at the Empress and it was my first event with the company.”
“I was asked to bring “Brother’s Pepperoni” from Halifax. It is a local delicacy.”
He goes on further to explain that he had bought enough pepperoni for an entire ship, and had filled up a suitcase with it. The airlines misplaced his bag and returned it the next day, but he needed to store the pepperoni in a refrigerator, but sadly his room didn’t have one.
“It was April, the air was chilly. I…spread the packages of pepperoni out on the table and window sill. Then, I went for a walk…..for about 4 or 5 hours.” he writes.
When he returned, he saw that a flock of seagulls had gotten into his room and had been eating the pepperoni he bought for a long time. Pepperoni does not agree with seagulls and they had crapped all over his room, but wait there’s more…
“What I did not realize until then was that Seagulls also drool. Especially when they eat pepperoni.”
“They immediately started flying around and crashing into things as they desperately tried to leave the room through the small opening by which they had entered. Less composed seagulls are attempting to leave through the other CLOSED windows. The result was a tornado of seagull excrement, feathers, pepperoni chunks and fairly large birds whipping around the room.”
You can read the entire post below where Nick describes how he took out the power to a part of the hotel, wrapped a seagull inside a towel and flung it out of the hotel room window along with his shoe and his eventual ban from the Fairmont Empress for LIFE!
I officially applied to be allowed to stay at the empress hotel again. Here is my letter. Waiting for the reply. 18…