A woman’s guide to staying safe in India and on the internet, because it's our job!

Ladies if you still expect the law, or society to protect you, let me remind you who holds that responsibility —you. So grab your superhero capes and learn what you need to know as a woman in India.

I remember watching a crime show on TV around 2012 that ended with a narrator warning us. While the episodes did their job of scaring me, it was that fact of how he warned us to be alert that was scarier. Because let's be honest, criminals will follow their passion to commit crimes and it's obviously the victims' fault that they were there. Deep down, we all know the truth—especially women—that being on high alert at all times is simply a necessity. Men can afford to be careless, but women? Not a chance. A lot of us aren't fully aware of how to stay safe and cautious at all times, so here, we’d like to discuss a few things to help you get started.

Also Read: Ziddi Girls serves as a reminder that sometimes being ziddi is just as important as it is necessary!

Hope you keep these in mind:

You are responsible for your safety:

Firstly, you need to understand the dynamics of crime in India. Safety, especially for women, isn't just about preventing crime but about ensuring that if something were to happen, you can prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it wasn’t your fault and that you did everything in your power to avoid it. It is about creating an airtight defence for a crime that has not yet occurred. It is about anticipating blame before danger. And that is a delicate, lifelong balancing act, one that you can't afford to ignore.

Dress appropriately, even though it will be judged later:

Dressing ‘appropriately’ is a nebulous, ever-changing concept that no one can quite define. A salwar kameez might be safe, but so might a burqa. Jeans could work if the shirt is loose enough, but then again, maybe not. The trick is to dress in a way that doesn't invite trouble, which would be much easier if we knew exactly what kind of outfit acts as a trouble-repellent. Unfortunately, we don't, and it's something you figure out along the way. The only time a woman finds out if she was dressed ‘right’ is after the fact—when her outfit is dissected as evidence of her culpability.

Mind your manner:

How a woman conducts herself in social settings is just as crucial. It's important that you must be liked by everyone around you, not for the sake of social harmony, but to ensure that you do not "invite trouble". Women must be polite but not too friendly, reserved but not rude, confident but never arrogant. Eye contact is a weapon and a liability. What kind of behavior you should exhibit in different situations is also something that doesn't have a universal answer. It is also something you just figure out along the way. Just make sure you observe everything around you, stay alert in all situations, and keep your fun secondary.

Control your emotions, because it's a trait that's only instilled in women:

Taking care of your mental health is just as important as staying physically safe, and a big part of that comes down to choosing the right people to be around. Always be careful about what you share, how much you talk, and who you talk to, especially when it comes to men. You need to be cautious of men who may look safe but could turn out dangerous. How you differentiate them from other men, that's for you to decide. The best thing you can do is make sure you never hurt their ego, whether it's by being smarter than them, doing better than them, or even just carrying yourself with too much confidence, because the moment they feel threatened, they will make sure you feel it too. And don’t even think about getting into a heated argument with a man in a public place, because heaven forbid, you’ll just be labelled as ‘emotional,’ and the whole situation will be your fault. A woman has to constantly second-guess every action, word, and gesture because the line between ‘friendly’ and ‘inviting trouble’ is so thin, it’s practically invisible.

Buddy system for the win!

Whatever you do, never, ever be alone because a woman alone is a woman in danger. If you must go somewhere, bring a brother, a father, a husband, or even a small male child—it doesn’t matter who, as long as a man is there to vouch for your right to exist in public.

Behave online, because it's also a public space:

Social media has its own set of dangers. One wrong move and your inbox could be flooded with unsolicited messages that somehow always seem to get blamed on you. The internet is wild, and you must make sure that everything you share aligns with the ‘appropriate’ level of visibility. A public account is reckless but a private account is lame.

Everything is your fault. Always:

Of course, being a woman doesn’t just mean adhering to rules of conduct while on the internet or out in public. Ultimately, it all comes down to this: if anything bad happens, it is because you failed. Not because of crime, not because of the lack of accountability, not because of a society that refuses to hold perpetrators responsible. No, it is because you were not careful enough. You should have known better. And so, you learn. You shrink yourself, calculate every step, strategize every choice, all in the name of safety. Meanwhile, men move freely, exist without thought, and live without fear. Because the world does not expect them to be responsible for the actions of others. But women? We must be. Because at the end of the day, the real question isn’t "What should women do to stay safe?", it’s "Why is safety not a given right for women in the first place?"

Hope you have a wonderful Women's Day!

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