Life after divorce: Shasvathi Siva and Anupriya Kapur on relief, fear, and freedom

From needing time to adjust to being excited about what is on the other side, Shasvathi Siva and Anupriya Kapur talk about what life after divorce feels like.

What Bollywood and society didn’t teach us was that marriages don’t come with a guarantee card, and sometimes they don’t necessarily work out, and that’s okay! The only kind of decoupling we’ve seen growing up that hasn’t been shamed was ‘till death do us part’, but what happens when people choose themselves over toxic or unhappy marriages? We wouldn’t know because we’ve not seen or heard of stories where life after divorce has been portrayed realistically. As common as divorce may be across the globe, it still holds a lot of weight and stigma in Indian society. Watching someone prioritise their peace of mind instead of silently suffering and sacrificing in the name of resilience seems to threaten society somehow, as if these humans are looking to multiply and form a cult.

We spoke to Shasvathi Siva and Anupriya Kapur about their lives post-divorce. Did they have a hard time making this decision? Are they open to the idea of falling in love again? Here’s what they had to say!

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Here's what they had to share:

Life doesn't stop after divorce, but it can take a while to adjust to your new reality. How was this like for you?

Shasvathi was just really excited to see what life was going to look like and was really looking forward to it. “It wasn't really much of an adjustment; it was more relief of not needing to go to court anymore, leading life on my own terms, and just feeling very very free.” Because there was so much happening for Anupriya, she didn’t get time to adjust. “I took it one day at a time and that was how I adjusted.”

Was it hard to convince yourself before you could convince society that divorce would do you good? Was there any self-shame involved?

For Shasvathi, it wasn't shame, but it was fear of what she’d hear in terms of stigma and otherwise. “I didn't want to hear anything that would hurt me. But eventually, I had to prioritize myself over what others would say. And more importantly, I wanted to tell my story and put my thoughts in a way that I deemed right and within my comfort, and I wanted to be the one to take charge of my story.” It took Anupriya years actually to come to the point where she told herself that her marriage wasn’t working out. “Because even though the realization had happened, there was a lot of self-shaming. You constantly feel like you’re the one who is not able to make it work, you’re being selfish, you’re doing wrong because you’re breaking a family up. There was a lot of self-shame even before society started shaming me, and their shaming hasn’t stopped even after so many years.”

We're all aware of the stigma that divorce carries. Did you have a hard time after taking this decision for yourself? 

Shasvathi believes that ultimately if you prioritize yourself, stigma takes a back seat. Anupriya still has a hard time with this because she’s very vocal on social media. “I get a lot of flak for promoting divorce. In the initial phase after getting a divorce, you kind of need to start making new friends because your old friends don’t want to be seen with you, they want nothing to do with you as if you’ve committed a crime. Society kind of shuns you, including your friends and some of your closest family members. They avoid the topic and you. Even today, when I say that I’m a single mom, people are taken aback. Especially when I say that I’m divorced. It doesn’t leave you ever.”

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What would you like to tell society? 

Shasvathi wants to tell society to normalize divorce, to let people make the CHOICE of leaving a marriage, just like it is a choice to be in one. “Just let people live their free lives as they wish to, and don’t dictate what gives them happiness. Parents, please support your children, especially women. Empower them to leave marriages that aren't working, and also provide them some support.” Anupriya agrees as she goes on to mention that a failed marriage doesn’t define you. “It’s a relationship that didn’t work out, and it’s okay to live your life fully despite that. There’s so much more to a person. One shouldn’t stop themselves from living a full life because of that. Be open instead of shying away from this topic because this will help a lot of women heal.”

Did having a support system help you heal?

There is no life for Shasvathi without her people. For Anupriya, her only support was her father, and she couldn’t have done it without him.

Are there any mixed feelings when it comes to processing this? How do you process your feelings?

Therapy helped Shasvathi a lot, while meditation seemed to help Anupriya. Anupriya’s experience got her into it. “Also, having a fitness routine really helped me. These are the ways I processed my feelings because initially, I wouldn’t talk to anybody because I internalized it all. I was so guilty and so affected that I closed myself from talking about it. So my only outlets were working out and meditation to help myself.”

What does a day in your life look like today? Are you open to the idea of falling in love yet again? 

Shasvathi has a routine in place. “I workout, eat, work, watch TV, write, and sleep. I’m in love again, and I'm absolutely in love with being in love. :)” Because Anupriya is a freelancer, her day looks different every day. “I could be traveling, shooting, just sitting at home and creating content. I’m also part of a startup, so a couple of hours every day go into that. Evenings are completely for me, which means I spend time with my son and work on and I don’t compromise on that. I’m also open to the idea of falling in love again.”

Has this pushed you to look within and give yourself some much-needed self-love?

Shasvathi thinks that giving herself time, and attention and taking care of her mental and physical health in whatever way she can has been amazing. “I will not trade it for anything or anybody. I unabashedly prioritize myself.” Anupriya has grown so much as a person in the last couple of years because she’s opened herself up to new experiences. “I’m learning new things, meeting new people, traveling and also experimenting at work. I’m learning about defining and redefining relationships and it’s completely changed me as a person. This experience has helped me grow a lot.”

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This article was first published in the Social Ketchup Magazine's February 2023 edition.

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