Why Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, despite the nostalgia feels like a tale of conditional love, poor female agency and choices!

Here's why re-evaluating Kuch Kuch Hota Hai as an adult brings a complex mix of nostalgia and a critical awareness of the film's problematic core!

If you’re a kid raised on a heavy dose of Bollywood films, you know Diwali means Shah Rukh Khan! Some of my fondest childhood memories consist of celebrating the festival at my nani’s place and watching his big festive releases with my cousins while being completely mesmerized by SRK’s effortless charm. However, the experience of Karan Johar's Kuch Kuch Hota Hai was pure magic! I remember being completely smitten by the vibrancy, drama and romance of the film and the crowd going completely nuts over Salman Khan’s charming entry on Sajan Ji Ghar Aaye. With no social media back then, his cameo managed to remain a surprise for a week or so, much to the surprising delight of cine-goers!

But beyond all the glam and glitz, I was particularly fascinated by that idea of love endorsed by the film - Pyaar Dosti Hai! Being BFFs with your soulmate or vice versa made perfect sense to me, afterall who else would you want to spend the rest of your life with if not the person you can be unapologetically yourself with? I know I speak for a lot of people when I say that the film defined romance for our generation and shaped our understanding of love and friendship. Rahul (SRK), Anjali (Kajol) and Tina’s (Rani Mukerji) story convinced me that love is a dramatic destiny, and what’s meant for you will find its way back to you, even if it takes a lifetime. Rahul became my poster boy for the charming friend who matured into a lover, Tina, the gracious woman who understood his soul and Anjali, the patient soulmate he was destined to be with!

However, re-evaluating Kuch Kuch Hota Hai now as an adult brings me a complex mix of nostalgia and a critical awareness of the film's problematic core. The charming Rahul of my childhood, now looks more of a man-child whose affection was conditional and strictly based on convenience. I sometimes wonder if he was truly in love with Anjali, or was he just confused, emotionally dependent, and blinded by surface-level attraction for Tina? The supposedly happy ending of the film now feels less like destiny and more of a celebration of a man’s belated realizations, overlooking the happiness of two genuinely nice people - Tina and Aman (Salman Khan).

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Expecting a man to be clear with what he wants is like expecting a seat in Mumbai local before Dadar station, but how could Anjali, a smart-independent woman be so naive as to never recognise any of Rahul’s red flags? As a girl who could never compromise on her agency, Anjali’s choices frustrate me the most. First, she changes herself to fit into Rahul’s superficial beauty standards, then runs away from college because he finds Tina, only to get back with him when she serves as the most convenient choice for Rahul, over the kind and loving Aman. Girl, I wish you realized your ‘best friend’ relationship with your classmate wasn’t a foundation for healthy love but a comfort zone where he could have all of your emotional labour without any romantic responsibility? Unfortunate choice, I’d say. Also, I feel we don’t discuss enough about how Anjali agreed to marry Aman purely out of societal duty while still reeling from her feelings for Rahul, a decision showing lack of self-respect and a great deal of disregard for her own happiness and, crucially, Aman's! 

Nonetheless, Kuch Kuch Hota Hai still remains a pop culture milestone and nostalgic watch for my generation, despite its flaws. However, its presentation of love and friendship now scream at me to prioritize self-respect and emotional clarity over hurried-immature decisions. Afterall, 'Pyaar dosti toh hai, par conditional nahi!'

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