POV: How 'Friends' redefined motherhood for me

As we celebrate Mother's Day today, let's revisit our favorite series 'Friends' and understand how it depicted motherhood in the 90s!

While the concept of motherhood has evolved with time, the core spirit of this term has remained the same and that has reflected in the content we consume as well. Today, some TV shows and our good ol’ Bollywood are somewhat changing the way mothers are being depicted on screen and are well on their way to show them as individuals with strong agency and desires of their own. But this wasn't always the case. As a 90s kid, my afternoons would be spent watching re-runs of daily soaps on Star Plus and we all know how mothers were portrayed in these.

In the midst of this kinda Indian content, some of us were exposed to TV shows like Friends. Over twenty years ago, an American sitcom known for its light-hearted comedy, depicting the struggles and confusions of late 20s and the spirit of friendship, showcased motherhood in an unconventional light through its female protagonists - Rachel Green, Phoebe Buffay, and Monica Geller. Its depictions of single motherhood, surrogacy, and adoption were groundbreaking for their time and challenged the traditional notions of family and motherhood. And for desi viewers like me, these depictions were gold! Despite the liberalization, we were, sorry, we are quite conservative when it comes to our social norms; we're resistant to concepts of alternative family structures and women’s autonomy especially when it comes to depicting this on-screen.

Also Read: Still learning to love: India through the eyes of queer couples!

Here's what I was exposed to via Friends 20 plus years ago!

Single motherhood - Rachel Green

In season 8 of the show, Rachel, essayed by Jennifer Aniston, was shown to be pregnant with Ross Geller’s child after a brief romantic encounter. She decides to keep the baby but rejects Ross’s proposal for marriage, choosing to raise her daughter Emma as a single mother. Rachel not only navigates pregnancy on her own but also tackles career pressures, and co-parents with Ross - all while maintaining her independence and agency. Despite the fears, uncertainties and confusions, she manages to strike a beautiful balance between her ambitious job at Ralph Lauren and parenting. It was groundbreaking in the 90s, especially for us as it challenged the traditions of tying motherhood strictly to marriage and presented single parenting as a valid and empowering choice for a woman.  

Surrogacy - Phoebe Buffay

In Season 4, Phoebe, played by Lisa Kudrow, agrees to be a surrogate for her brother Frank Jr. and his wife Alice, who cannot conceive due to her age. She carries their triplets simply out of affection for her brother and his happiness. Friends depicted her pregnancy with humor but underscored an important element of Phoebe’s agency by choosing to be a surrogate and also setting her boundaries straight as she refused to keep one of the babies, despite being deeply invested in them. This was radical in multiple ways since surrogacy was a taboo topic in the 1990s and was rarely discussed in mainstream media. The show normalized it by presenting it as a legitimate form of motherhood while also highlighting Phoebe’s strong resolve against any biological ownership of the babies. This underlined a broad and evolved definition of family and the fact that motherhood can extend beyond conventional roles.  

Adoption - Monica Geller

In the final seasons, Monica Geller, essayed by Courteney Cox and Chandler Bing depicted by Matt Perry discover they cannot conceive naturally and therefore choose to adopt twins from a young woman named Erica. The show showcased their adoption journey with humor and sensitivity, while also presenting their emotional ride, the legal aspects, and their bond with Erica. Monica, who always wanted to be a mother, experiences immense joy and fulfillment as an adoptive mother to twins, highlighting that the non-biological form of parenting can be as wonderful an experience as other forms of it. The theme, just like aforementioned ones, was bold in nature as adoption was rarely shown in mainstream stories during the 1990s. The episodes advocated the idea of adoption being a valid and loving path to parenthood and challenged the stigmas around it. 

How has Friends impacted your idea of motherhood? Tell us in the comments below!

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